Two things you should stop saying.

1) Panties. I prefer to call my undergarments choners, skivvies or the so practical it’s braindead underwear. Panties sound like I’m doing something morally wrong. 

2) Stop referring to humping, doing it, getting it on, zooming, packin the weasel in the lunchbox, taking grandma for a walk, tickling the Ivory, hunting for mule deer, the old shamalama, wackety shmakety, the doldroms of winter, dusting the batcave, looking for answers, trying to make a few bucks on a thursday night so sue me, Jane Eyre, a two pump vanilla latte, polishing the bannister, giving Jimmy Stewart a bear hug, bumping and grinding, doing the nasty or jamming…as making love*. Don’t you EVER attempt to make love to me.

*Exception: If you say, in a thick Spanish accent, that you want to “make the love”. Big difference. Actually, just go ahead and say everything in a thick Spanish accent. 

Thanks. You look great today.