My surrogate big sister Emilia just made me realize that I’ve been acting like the ugly girl in 8th grade.
You know, buying people things so they’ll like me. Bending over backwards. Giving people whatever they want and asking nothing in return. Always offering to pay my half. Never saying no. Feeling not worthy of receiving anything, just wanting to give give give, rationalizing it as love, or compassion, or whatever.
But it’s bullshit.
I’m not the ugly girl in 8th grade, ok? I have a soul and prefer making mix tapes in my room over going to school dances, but that doesn’t make me any less awesome than the homecoming queen.
So if you want to play 7 Minutes in Heaven or Spin the Bottle with me, you’re going to have to actually STEP THE FUCK UP.
Starting. Right. Now.
“It’s really hard to beat yourself in a thumb war.”
After experiencing drastic changes in my environment, I looked for other experiences that might profoundly affect my perception of the self. So I devised another experiment where everyday I took a different drug and drew myself under the influence. Within weeks I became lethargic and suffered mild brain damage. I am still conducting this experiment but over greater lapses of time. I only take drugs that are given to me. This series is on my facebook as well and is much more up to date, here there are quite a few missing.
It’s fascinating to think about, and fun to picture his state of consciousness at the time.
If the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new, at which point will I be buried alive under a pile of boys who could never match up to the first one?
Sitting on my dad’s shoulders, walking to the kitchen for pancakes while Elton John’s “Madman Across the Water” plays on the turntable.